my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
