when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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