he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
