What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
