Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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