If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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