I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
