yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
