I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
