I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
