youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
