let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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