Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
