How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
