If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
