She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
