Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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