Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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