I love black thongs
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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