My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
