I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
