I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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