he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
