then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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