how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
