are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
