Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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