my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
