If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You've changed since you got that strap on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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