Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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