if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
