I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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