3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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