I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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