oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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