when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
