coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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