I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You need Xanax blowdarts
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
