her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
