is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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