what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this will be a night to untag.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
