how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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