Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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