Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
