Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
