I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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