It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
