its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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