But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
