dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We're too hungover to prance.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
