Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
