I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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